Something I found interesting while seaching last night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XptrJNoLBeI
Dominus Vobiscum
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thinking about the money
I've always been pretty practical with my money. I don't excessively spend money and look for bargains. Like saving my money and letting it make more money if I'm not being charitable with it. I've only gone in debt a couple of times and most of my debt was in student loans. Since I am literally just finishing up paying off my first round of student loans, I got to thinking about how to pay for seminary if this is my calling in life.
I think I've heard before that my home diocese will foot the seminary bill as long as you become a priest, or if not you have to pay it back as a loan later on. But, what if they don't? Do I take out $20,000 a year for 4-5 years in more student loans to go from a 60k job to a 20k job?
I've also seen where the Knights of Columbus have several scholarship programs. Some on the Supreme Council (National) level and some at the local Council level. I was kind of waiting for a personal invitation to a local council to join the knights, but should I go ahead and join. Would it be wrong if that was the biggest motivation for me to look into joining on my own volition? Would it be wrong to solicit both the council here, where I'm currently living, and the council serving my home parish, where I am originally from and probably would enter the seminary through? I also think the Serra Club probably has scholarship opportunities and probably others I haven't heard of. Anyone know of others?
What about other living costs not associated with the seminary such as insurance, taxes, clothes, gas money? Do I work through seminary? I've heard of other priests in other dioceses around the world who had to do that, but most of the seminaries I know are in rural settings. Does that mean I should look into seminaries in metropolitan areas such as Baltimore, D.C., Chicago, etc.? Is it feasible to work and make decent money while in the seminary? Having to limit social activities such as sports, movies, and others doesn't bother me, but does it fit in with the prayer life and all of the work that goes with theological studies?
I know, I'm sure that vocations directors go through this all of the time and have plenty of ways and suggestions on how to make things work, but I tend to think out and plan the ways I use money, and it is just one more thing on my mind.
Dominus Vobiscum
I think I've heard before that my home diocese will foot the seminary bill as long as you become a priest, or if not you have to pay it back as a loan later on. But, what if they don't? Do I take out $20,000 a year for 4-5 years in more student loans to go from a 60k job to a 20k job?
I've also seen where the Knights of Columbus have several scholarship programs. Some on the Supreme Council (National) level and some at the local Council level. I was kind of waiting for a personal invitation to a local council to join the knights, but should I go ahead and join. Would it be wrong if that was the biggest motivation for me to look into joining on my own volition? Would it be wrong to solicit both the council here, where I'm currently living, and the council serving my home parish, where I am originally from and probably would enter the seminary through? I also think the Serra Club probably has scholarship opportunities and probably others I haven't heard of. Anyone know of others?
What about other living costs not associated with the seminary such as insurance, taxes, clothes, gas money? Do I work through seminary? I've heard of other priests in other dioceses around the world who had to do that, but most of the seminaries I know are in rural settings. Does that mean I should look into seminaries in metropolitan areas such as Baltimore, D.C., Chicago, etc.? Is it feasible to work and make decent money while in the seminary? Having to limit social activities such as sports, movies, and others doesn't bother me, but does it fit in with the prayer life and all of the work that goes with theological studies?
I know, I'm sure that vocations directors go through this all of the time and have plenty of ways and suggestions on how to make things work, but I tend to think out and plan the ways I use money, and it is just one more thing on my mind.
Dominus Vobiscum
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The Cloud of Unknowing
In my last post, I mentioned that I'm reading a book a friend suggested. I figured that I could start sharing with you any Catholic books that I'm currently reading.
The Cloud of Unknowing is written by an unknown monk from the 14th century. The book draws on Catholic mysticism and is an early instruction manual for contemplative prayer. It was written in Middle English, but the version I'm reading is translated into Early Modern English (think Shakespeare, King James Version, or Douay-Rheims Bible) although you may be able to find other translations into Modern English.
Listed below, are some places you can find copies of this book. The online copies can be read online for free, or sent/downloaded for just a couple of dollars. You can also buy the hard copy books from the bookstores below. Don't forget to check your local library as well. And, each of the bookstores below have other translations you may want to check out.
Dominus Vobiscum
The Cloud of Unknowing is written by an unknown monk from the 14th century. The book draws on Catholic mysticism and is an early instruction manual for contemplative prayer. It was written in Middle English, but the version I'm reading is translated into Early Modern English (think Shakespeare, King James Version, or Douay-Rheims Bible) although you may be able to find other translations into Modern English.
Listed below, are some places you can find copies of this book. The online copies can be read online for free, or sent/downloaded for just a couple of dollars. You can also buy the hard copy books from the bookstores below. Don't forget to check your local library as well. And, each of the bookstores below have other translations you may want to check out.
- Online:
- Google Books
- CCEL
- Hard Copy:
- Amazon
- Barnes and Noble
Dominus Vobiscum
Friday, June 26, 2009
Response Received
Fr. JN sent a response to my email today. Nothing big or important in there, just saying that he was glad to hear from me again and excited to see that I was open to other vocations and would be happy to talk with me. He also, let me know that he was the same way in not wanting to share this decision with others to not have to deal with external pressures. But, the circumstances in which I received his letter were more of the revelation that God wants me to be open, at least for now.
Last, night a friend opened a chat with me to comment on my Facebook status. If there is anyone I would want a relationship with, it would be this person. We never communicate on a regular basis or see each other often since we live 4 hrs. from each other, but we are friends. We bantered, and she told me what she was reading for her masters theology classes and that was about it. But, it was still one of those, "Ha, ha, you're funny, God." moments. I didn't get a that "Ooo, such a wonderful person is talking to me" thrill, but it did still confuse me a little.
One of the books she suggested is in the public domain, so I looked it up on the internet and had started reading it and had just read a chapter before heading to noon Mass. So, the book, her, and my situation were on my mind during Mass. I told God, that it would be nice if he could let me know, like a response from Fr. JN, that I'm doing the right thing especially since I don't know what I'm doing. Then I smiled and jokingly told God, "Not that I'm telling you what to do, but it was just a suggestion." When I came back from Mass, is when I had the letter from Fr. JN in my inbox. It was nice to get that small gesture and exactly the time I needed it, and nice to think that God was listening and smiling down on me. Just a small revelation moment.
Dominus Vobiscum
Last, night a friend opened a chat with me to comment on my Facebook status. If there is anyone I would want a relationship with, it would be this person. We never communicate on a regular basis or see each other often since we live 4 hrs. from each other, but we are friends. We bantered, and she told me what she was reading for her masters theology classes and that was about it. But, it was still one of those, "Ha, ha, you're funny, God." moments. I didn't get a that "Ooo, such a wonderful person is talking to me" thrill, but it did still confuse me a little.
One of the books she suggested is in the public domain, so I looked it up on the internet and had started reading it and had just read a chapter before heading to noon Mass. So, the book, her, and my situation were on my mind during Mass. I told God, that it would be nice if he could let me know, like a response from Fr. JN, that I'm doing the right thing especially since I don't know what I'm doing. Then I smiled and jokingly told God, "Not that I'm telling you what to do, but it was just a suggestion." When I came back from Mass, is when I had the letter from Fr. JN in my inbox. It was nice to get that small gesture and exactly the time I needed it, and nice to think that God was listening and smiling down on me. Just a small revelation moment.
Dominus Vobiscum
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Moment of Our Choosing
Last night, I watched Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. I'm a huge Transformers fan, but I have been fairly disappointed by both movies, especially this second one. My godson's family that lives in town was out seeing the movie too. Unfortunately, my godson, E, who is two years old was brought to the movie by his mother. I guess it was a good thing that he fell asleep fairly quickly, but my back was sore from holding a sleeping baby for about two hours in that chair.
During the movie, Optimus Prime says the line from the trailer, "Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing." And although it is so true and stuck out to me in the trailer, it really hit me while I was sitting there holding E in my arms.
You see, if I do discern that my vocation is to become a priest, there are many sacrifices that go along with that. The hardest ones aren't the ones I used to think were the hardest.
E's mother is a single mom of three kids, E being the youngest. The older two have a fairly responsible father, but not E. His mother asked me to be his godfather simply from the fact that she knew I was a good Catholic that helped out with the youth group. She barely knew me through her younger sisters who were in the youth group. I said yes, and when she put him in my arms for the first time and looked at him, I literally felt my heart melt and for the first time I understood unconditional love. Since that day, I've loved him like he was my own son and providing for him in anyway I need to. Since I've seriously considered this journey, having to leave E, if this is my calling is the biggest sacrifice I would have to make. Every time I think about it, I cry. Not just getting all teary eyed, but actually cry because it breaks my heart to think about not seeing him grow up, not being there for him, him growing apart from me, him not having a good male role model,.... It's just too hard. But, like Optimus said fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing. But, then I begin to think that although it would be better for him to be older before leaving him (but I suppose I would always wish that), it would also be worse if I embarked on this journey earlier in life and never known the absolutely awesome joy of being with E.
Dominus Vobiscum
During the movie, Optimus Prime says the line from the trailer, "Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing." And although it is so true and stuck out to me in the trailer, it really hit me while I was sitting there holding E in my arms.
You see, if I do discern that my vocation is to become a priest, there are many sacrifices that go along with that. The hardest ones aren't the ones I used to think were the hardest.
E's mother is a single mom of three kids, E being the youngest. The older two have a fairly responsible father, but not E. His mother asked me to be his godfather simply from the fact that she knew I was a good Catholic that helped out with the youth group. She barely knew me through her younger sisters who were in the youth group. I said yes, and when she put him in my arms for the first time and looked at him, I literally felt my heart melt and for the first time I understood unconditional love. Since that day, I've loved him like he was my own son and providing for him in anyway I need to. Since I've seriously considered this journey, having to leave E, if this is my calling is the biggest sacrifice I would have to make. Every time I think about it, I cry. Not just getting all teary eyed, but actually cry because it breaks my heart to think about not seeing him grow up, not being there for him, him growing apart from me, him not having a good male role model,.... It's just too hard. But, like Optimus said fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing. But, then I begin to think that although it would be better for him to be older before leaving him (but I suppose I would always wish that), it would also be worse if I embarked on this journey earlier in life and never known the absolutely awesome joy of being with E.
Dominus Vobiscum
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Letter Sent
This morning, I went to Eucharistic Adoration at the perpetual adoration chapel in town since I have a scheduled weekly hour early in the morning. And of course, a lot of my prayer for the next year will be that God will lead me where he wants me to be in my discernment process.
Well, today, I wrote and sent an email to Fr. JN asking him to continue our conversation. I didn't get to it right away, because I wanted to take this time on Wednesday to pray before writing and sending the letter. So, essentially this is my first step in walking this journey.
Dominus Vobiscum
Well, today, I wrote and sent an email to Fr. JN asking him to continue our conversation. I didn't get to it right away, because I wanted to take this time on Wednesday to pray before writing and sending the letter. So, essentially this is my first step in walking this journey.
Dominus Vobiscum
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Urging Grandmother
Not much happened yesterday. I had to leave right after Mass to pick up some friends at an airport on the way back to where I live. Mass was later than I expected as Mom had to cantor at the late Mass and there were three baptisms.
During Mass, my grandmother leans over to me and says that when the archbishop was in town at my home parish she noticed that he had a good singing voice and thought that I could be an archbishop too, because I have a good singing voice. I'm sure that's top qualification they look for when appointing archbishops. Thanks grandma. Of course, she has no idea that I'm looking into a vocation to the priesthood since I've mentioned this fact to no one.
After I returned, the air conditioner was broken in my apartment and it was hotter and muggier than hades in there. So, I went out for dinner and then into the office building to take care of email and personal things online. While I was there, an older friend started a chat with me, we'll call her PW. She actually helps my grandmother with costuming for a high school theater back at home. Her daughter, who just finished her freshman year at college, just had a new baby girl. So this grandma, PW, was up late with the new baby and on the computer. We were talking about her family's hardships and blessings that the new baby brought on. When I thought the conversation was about wrapped up, I asked her to pray for me because I was going through some changes in life. She said she would, and pretty much guessed what changes I was talking about since my grandmother had shared with PW her own thoughts that I could make a good priest. Well, I would rather have talked with JS about my discernment first, but PW agreed not to tell anyone and we talked into the wee hours of the morning about both of our problems. It was a good talk. Actually, PW is baptist, but it was kind of satisfying hearing someone support my discernment who wasn't Catholic.
Dominus Vobiscum
During Mass, my grandmother leans over to me and says that when the archbishop was in town at my home parish she noticed that he had a good singing voice and thought that I could be an archbishop too, because I have a good singing voice. I'm sure that's top qualification they look for when appointing archbishops. Thanks grandma. Of course, she has no idea that I'm looking into a vocation to the priesthood since I've mentioned this fact to no one.
After I returned, the air conditioner was broken in my apartment and it was hotter and muggier than hades in there. So, I went out for dinner and then into the office building to take care of email and personal things online. While I was there, an older friend started a chat with me, we'll call her PW. She actually helps my grandmother with costuming for a high school theater back at home. Her daughter, who just finished her freshman year at college, just had a new baby girl. So this grandma, PW, was up late with the new baby and on the computer. We were talking about her family's hardships and blessings that the new baby brought on. When I thought the conversation was about wrapped up, I asked her to pray for me because I was going through some changes in life. She said she would, and pretty much guessed what changes I was talking about since my grandmother had shared with PW her own thoughts that I could make a good priest. Well, I would rather have talked with JS about my discernment first, but PW agreed not to tell anyone and we talked into the wee hours of the morning about both of our problems. It was a good talk. Actually, PW is baptist, but it was kind of satisfying hearing someone support my discernment who wasn't Catholic.
Dominus Vobiscum
Saturday, June 20, 2009
An Unexpected Meeting
I ended up driving back home to where my folks live this weekend. I haven't been home since Easter, which has been about two months. I called up my best friend JP and his wife DJ to visit them while I was near since she is pregnant and I haven't seen either of them since their birthdays. They were excited to hear that I was coming up, but had a wedding to go to on Saturday. It was someone we knew in college, so I figured that I would at least go to the ceremony part and maybe see some old college pals. Which there were some there and it was great to see them too.
Celebrating the wedding was Fr. JN. Fr. JN, was a seminarian at my home parish when I was around middle school or early high school years. When he was running around the church getting ready for the pictures afterward, he joyously and loudly said hi and that we hadn't seen each other for sometime. Well, while pictures were going on, I did the meet and greet in the front of the church with all of my old friends.
When the pictures were over, I went over to the sacristy to find Fr. JN cleaning up and setting some things for the Sunday vigil Mass which would take place in a couple of hours. He said he had just thought he should probably find me to catch up. We talked for a while about my family and catching up on many many years. After a while, Fr. JN asked if I knew where I was going in life, and if I was happy where I was. He had a look like he knew that it might be the right question. I didn't say exactly what I was thinking, nor did he. But, I formed my answers in a way to let him know that I was considering a big change in life. Towards the end of the conversation, he told me took pick up a bulletin for the phone number and to give him a call.
Later, I was talking with DJ and JP in the parking lot as I was getting ready to leave to pick up my parents and grandparents to do Fathers Day things as they headed to the reception. Fr. JN, on the way to and from the offices stopped by to say by to us all one more time and handed me a business card with his cell number written on the back. Priests don't usually give out their personal cellphone number, kind of like doctors they don't want to get house calls at ungodly hours because of something silly. He giving me his personal number meant that he was serious.
Okay, so maybe that's a long story to get to the point I'm trying to make that this is really important in my new journey. First off, the very day after I changed my focus and became serious about praying and discerning a call to the priesthood, I meet an old priest friend that I haven't seen in ages at a wedding whom I didn't expect to see asking the right questions for him to see if I was open to a vocation to the priesthood. Second, I thought up some priests that I may want to approach and talk to about this discernment; Fr. JN was towards the top of that list.
Dominus Vobiscum
Celebrating the wedding was Fr. JN. Fr. JN, was a seminarian at my home parish when I was around middle school or early high school years. When he was running around the church getting ready for the pictures afterward, he joyously and loudly said hi and that we hadn't seen each other for sometime. Well, while pictures were going on, I did the meet and greet in the front of the church with all of my old friends.
When the pictures were over, I went over to the sacristy to find Fr. JN cleaning up and setting some things for the Sunday vigil Mass which would take place in a couple of hours. He said he had just thought he should probably find me to catch up. We talked for a while about my family and catching up on many many years. After a while, Fr. JN asked if I knew where I was going in life, and if I was happy where I was. He had a look like he knew that it might be the right question. I didn't say exactly what I was thinking, nor did he. But, I formed my answers in a way to let him know that I was considering a big change in life. Towards the end of the conversation, he told me took pick up a bulletin for the phone number and to give him a call.
Later, I was talking with DJ and JP in the parking lot as I was getting ready to leave to pick up my parents and grandparents to do Fathers Day things as they headed to the reception. Fr. JN, on the way to and from the offices stopped by to say by to us all one more time and handed me a business card with his cell number written on the back. Priests don't usually give out their personal cellphone number, kind of like doctors they don't want to get house calls at ungodly hours because of something silly. He giving me his personal number meant that he was serious.
Okay, so maybe that's a long story to get to the point I'm trying to make that this is really important in my new journey. First off, the very day after I changed my focus and became serious about praying and discerning a call to the priesthood, I meet an old priest friend that I haven't seen in ages at a wedding whom I didn't expect to see asking the right questions for him to see if I was open to a vocation to the priesthood. Second, I thought up some priests that I may want to approach and talk to about this discernment; Fr. JN was towards the top of that list.
Dominus Vobiscum
Friday, June 19, 2009
New Beginnings
I've always kind of been torn between two vocations in life. The vocation to marriage and the vocation to ordination. People have always said that I would be good at both. I've always wanted a family and have been serious about pursuing the vocation of marriage. Well, I have decided that today I will begin on a new journey and become serious about pursuing a call to the priesthood. And intend to journal this journey anonymously through this blog. I'm not sure if I will be able to keep a daily blog, but I do hope to write down any thoughts or feelings and what I am doing with some frequency.
As you may know, today is the beginning of the Year for Priests in the Catholic Church on the 150th anniversary of the death of the Curé d'Ars, St. John Vianney. And one of the reasons I chose today to start this journey.
I did try to attend noon Mass today; however, Mass was moved to the morning followed by 12 hours of adoration. I guess I missed daily Mass on day one.
Dominus Vobiscum
As you may know, today is the beginning of the Year for Priests in the Catholic Church on the 150th anniversary of the death of the Curé d'Ars, St. John Vianney. And one of the reasons I chose today to start this journey.
I did try to attend noon Mass today; however, Mass was moved to the morning followed by 12 hours of adoration. I guess I missed daily Mass on day one.
Dominus Vobiscum
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