Discerning Catholic

Year for Priests First Thursday Indulgence

2010-03-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

Today is the first Thursday of the Month. Don't forget that there are special indulgences during this Year for Priests (until June 19) for first Thursdays. Below is an abbreviated list for the requirements for the Plenary Indulgence for laity today. Check the link for the full document.

First Thursday Plenary Indulgence:

Be truly repentant
Attend Mass
Offer prayers and good works to Jesus Christ, Eternal High Priest, for all priests that they may be sanctified.
Receive the Sacrament of Confession
Pray for the Pope's Intentions
- March '10 General Intention - World Economy: That the world economy may be managed according to the principles of justice and equity, taking account of the real needs of peoples, especially the poorest.
- March '10 Mission Intention - The Churches in Africa: That the Churches in Africa may be signs and instruments of reconciliation and justice in every part of that continent.

Dominus Vobiscum

Meetings, Dark Nights, and Exodus

2010-02-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

Again, it has been almost a month since I have posted on this blog. But there is good news! I can now log into my blog from my work computer, but we'll see how long that lasts. Hopefully, I can keep up with it more often during lunch or right after work.

The weekend after the retreat I had to return to my home diocese for the baptism of my first goddaughter at the cathedral. While I was in, I met with the vocations director, Fr. BB, after the Vigil Mass at his parish. We walked to a family, authentic, Mexican (actually, I think they were from Guatemala, but it is listed as Mexican) restaurant literally just across the street. One more part of the first step in the application process. We had a nice conversation he wanted to know more about me and my family, I had some questions for him. He talked about this site he found (from an ad on the local EWTN radio station), The Star of Bethlehem. And related it to how God knows how we think and is going to try to speak to us in a way that is meant only for us. God knew that these wise men were looking for looking for a sign and were Astrologers. So, what did he do to speak to them? He put a sign in the stars that only they would recognize and know what it meant. He encouraged me to keep a journal to keep track of these signs, so that later I could look back on them. I didn't tell him that I had an anonymous blog that I was already using (because that would defeat the purpose of it being anonymous). I did tell him that I'm horrible at keeping a journal, I'm sure you may have figured that out by now. He confessed that he was horrible at journals as well, but he tries to write down so of the important things.

Another reason I haven't posted in a while is because this month I have been in what is sometimes called a dark night of the soul. I was really questioning what I am doing, why I am doing all of this, and all sorts of questions. I think there are a couple of reasons why I wondered into this wilderness. Mostly, I think it is because of the stress of everything. I suck at stress, I don't really lash out at other people, but internally, it is definitely a weakness and something that makes me struggle. I'm sure the devil is plenty aware of this weakness. I hoped to have all of my short answer and essay writings as well as my reference list for my application done and in the mail about a month ago. I now have 3 out of the 10 writings typed up. First, I get busy and start stressing, then I fall back into sins such as gluttony and sloth when I'm not doing the current things that are taking up my time in life. I gained more weight back during this time than I did over the holiday season. Then the wilderness starts to feed off of itself once I realize that I've not been paying attention to what I eat and hitting that snooze button until I'm making myself late for work. I start to get down on myself and the feelings get worse. Then I start to question my self worth, and feel like I'm not cut out (in this case to be discerning a vocation to the priesthood). Then, I've had a few nice conversations with online with a friend who, if I could choose who I was going to marry, it would be her, which made me question everything as well. I even got to the point this past week that I was starting to feel really depressed and was texting and looking for friends online who I could talk to because I really needed it. Absolutely no one was available or responding. I sunk even more into depression Friday night.

However, there is hope in this story. Saturday, I made myself get some extra chores done and was still feeling down, but not out anymore. Sunday night, I tuned into Jeff Cavins' The Great Bible Adventure on EWTN (I try to listen to it on the radio when I can because it is awesome). He is currently in the book of Exodus and was on the part of the plagues and passover in Egypt. This look at Exodus led me to my own exodus from my wilderness. He talked about how all of the plagues were in direct correlation to Egyptian gods, to say I even have power over your false gods. The Israelites were in Egypt for 400 years, they had begun to assimilate some of the Egyptian practices and gods (take for instance the bull god that would keep cropping up in the form of the golden calf). The last plague is not only important to setup the feast of passover, and as another symbol pointing to Christ, but also in dealing with the Egyptian gods. You see, Egyptians revered the first born as sort of divinity in the family as well as sheep were revered as gods that some of the Israelites started to respect as well. God had slain the other Egyptian gods in the all of the previous plagues, but for this last plague, God puts it to the Israelites to sacrifice the god of the Egyptian and puts it directly out there for them to face their addiction and turning away from God head on. Which made me realize that God wasn't going to make the stress and all of these feelings go away. He put my weakness and addiction right there in front of me, so that I can slay it myself and choose to trust God. And by facing my weakness and coming through, I can say that with God's help, I too can be free of this weakness. Okay, maybe it is a little hard to explain what I was feeling last night. But, if you get a chance, find a way to at least listen to these Bible Studies of Jeff Cavins.

The other reason I think this dark night started was because Fr. BB said next summer I would probably be wrapping up my job and then starting seminary next fall. I think he was talking about 2011, although I hope to show him differently. We shall see. All in God's time.

Well, back to typing up and editing these other writings. I will be traveling again on Thursday so I can go to the youth protection course for the diocese, because apparently the one here doesn't count.

Dominus Vobiscum

Discernment Retreat: Days 2 & 3

2010-01-03T17:19:00.000-08:00

I decided to write about Sat. and Sun. together since Sun. was only a half day. Day 2 started off with morning prayer and we heard about different calls that guys might be experiencing right now and how to say yes if you are experiencing that call and what it means for you. The types of calls included calling to major and minor seminary as well as simply the call for more daily prayer. We proceeded to celebrate Mass before lunch. The afternoon sessions were focused on the fact that entering any seminary is NOT answering the call to priesthood. The discernment to becoming a priest or not happens in the seminary and not before. After a break we had an optional rosary before dinner for which everyone showed. After dinner and evening prayer together, we had an open Q&A forum with the seminarians. Afterward, we had a holy hour with adoration and benediction and a priest was available for the sacrament of reconciliation during that holy hour. We closed out with night prayer.

Day 3 opened with morning prayer and breakfast followed by a session about different obstacles that we face and hoe to try to overcome them. We finished off with Mass and then lunch. One of the seminarians asked me when I would be talking to my vocations director, so I informed them that I had been and that I had actually turned in my application, I think I was the only one on the retreat that had already travelled further down the discernment trail. Since there were a couple of seminarians at my lunch table, we talked about the application process for a while and a little bit of the differences between the different dioceses.

It was a really great and well needed retreat. I really like having the liturgies and sacraments as part of the weekend. And heard some things that really help. I'm sure some of the other guys on the retreat who are just starting their discernment have a lot to think about now and don't see it as beeing too scary or foreign. There was also plenty of break time to explore the seminary, pray, read, talk with each other, or whatever else. A great way to start off the New Year!

Dominus Vobiscum

Discernment Retreat: Day 1

2010-01-02T05:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the first day of the discernment retreat here at St. Meinrad. The day started out nicely, I had spent the night at my brother's house with my family and we got up early to go to Mass before I had to hit the road for the trip here. On the way, I had to stop by the cathedral to pick up another young man who needed a ride and we rode the rest o the way together.

We started off with second vespers last night in the Archabbey chapel. Which was done by gregorian chant in English by the Benedictines here. Then, after dinner we had introductions and welcoming. There are two priests, one is a Benedictine and in charge of enrollment at the seminary and the other is a diocesan and vocations director at another diocese. Four seminarians, I think there is one from each year of theology. In all, there are 11 discerners and I believe we come from four different dioceses. Both priests have promissed to make this retreat non-pressured and so far so good. We have heard discernment stories from three of the seminarians and watched the Fishers of Men video, I'll try to find that video after the retreat on YouTube and post it here, I know I've seen it before out there. We finished the day with compline in the seminary chapel just with our group and has been a really nice so far.

The biggest disappointment so far is the fact that I grabbed my application packet to try to get more of my essays typed up this weekend, but when I got here, I realized that I grabbed the folder that didn't have all of my outlines and first drafts that I have previously written down. So, if I want to do any essays, I will need to start over.

Dominus Vobiscum

Blocked Again

2009-12-30T17:55:00.000-08:00

I haven't written on this blog in a while mainly because they turned Websense back on at work and they block logging into Blogger for some reason, so I can't even write while I am on my lunch break or before and after hours like I have been doing. Also, for a couple of months there wasn't a whole lot of news, just a lot of praying and waiting kind of a deal. The last reason that I haven't posted recently is because I have become extremely busy. I will try to get you caught up on all of the things that have been going on in my discernment process over the past few months.

After my last post, I contacted the vocations director of the diocese where I currently live (remember, I'm discerning through the vocations office of my childhood/hometown diocese). He was very supportive and offered any help, but there does not seem to be any ongoing discernment groups here like there is back in my home diocese. The only event is a once or twice a year interest meeting.

It had actually been over a month since I had heard from or talked to Fr. JS. One Friday, as I was in daily Mass at noon, I was starting to doubt if this path is the one I should be taking and reminded myself that I was hoping that if this is what God intended that the doors for this path would be wide open. Not that it wouldn't be difficult, but that the next step would be clear. At work, I decided that since I hadn't heard from Fr. JS in awhile that maybe I should go out to a bar to enjoy some live music and maybe call up one of my girl friends not as a date, but as company. And maybe see if I should start looking at the dating scene again. Low and behold, by the end of the day, I had an email from Fr. JS saying that he was sorry for being out of touch, but he had knee surgery and was wanting to get together by the end of November.

I made a trip up to meet with him at a small sit-down restaurant in the downtown area of a small town where he was giving a class that morning. We just talked for a while and we both had some questions for each other and he asked me if I had thought about starting the application and told me a little about what that meant, but didn't go into great detail. I wasn't too sure about that just yet. We left knowing a bit more about each other and a little bit more about the process. During our meeting we had to comment and laugh about the number of couples being escorted back to check out the reception area that day, they were lining up one after the other.

The next Sunday, my co-catechist, CO, for the 9th grade class I teach asked me after class if I have been considering the priesthood and where I was in the discernment process. She did not know about any of this before and I was a little taken aback. I told her a bit about what was going on, since if it continued, she would have to know why I was going to be continually gone on the weekends.

As I had been praying about the application of which Fr. JS spoke in our last meeting and CO had talked to me about furthering discernment out of the blue, I decided that this was a sign that I should start the application. I called up Fr. JS and told him and he told me more in depth about the application process, which I will describe later. But, most importantly he said that once you start the application process the diocese considers your discernment more of a matter of public record and that I needed to talk to my family before starting the application process.

Over Thanksgiving weekend when my brother, his wife, and my parents were altogether I took them out to a nice restaurant to tell them lots of good news including my discernment, as well as paying off my debt and loosing some weight. My sister, LM, had a lot of questions since she was raised Lutheran and joined the Church a couple of years ago just before they married. No one was too shocked, but they were surprised by the news and of course were supportive as we always are of each other. The next day at my grandparents' house my Dad wanted me to set near him on the couch and then said he was proud.

That week I called Fr. JS and told him that I had talked to my parents. The very next weekend I was in town again so we met at a restaurant and he gave me the application packet and went through it page by page taking a look at it. The application process for priestly formation, at least in this diocese, contains 4 steps. The first step involves a 58 question application, getting 5 names for letters of recommendation, 8 1 page short answer questions, 2 3-5 page essay questions, 2 copies of transcrpts, 2 copies of sacramental records, consent forms, safe environment training, and a physical. That is just the first step in the process! He also explained to me that there was a dinner with the bishop and seminarians To which I was invited at the rectory of the cathedral during the Fourth Week of Advent and it would be good to turn in some of the application that week.

So, I had to get busy. I did the research to get the 58 questions filled out, scheduled a physical, got my sacramental records, and filled out the consent forms. That was the part I turned in. I was still waiting for one of my references to get back with me and I had gone into church in front of the blessed sacramen to write up outlines for all of the writings I would have to do, but did not get a chance to type them and proofread before that week.

The dinner was great. It was good to finally get to meet the new bishop who was installed after I moved to another diocese as well as meeting and talking to a bunch of guys who were/are going through some of the same things. I met with the administrator in the vocations office, BG, the next day to turn in the materials I had completed and then went to my alma mater to order transcripts.

On Christmas, I had both of my grandparents open a package which contained the first page of my application packet at the same time to tell them. There were lots of tears shed, only by my grand parents. Which gets us all caught up in this blog.

Next, I will be going to a discernment retreat this weekend at St. Meinrad Archabbey and Seminary. Also, I have setup an initial formal meeting with the Vocations Director, Fr. BB, the following weekend. Remember Fr. JS is the Assistant Vocations Director. I will let you know how both of those events go, but for now, I am trying to type in all of those papers I need to get done for step 1 as well as my job, youth ministry, my R.E. Lesson plans, godfather responsblities and a myriad of other tasks on which I am falling behind.

Dominus Vobiscum

Further Into Discernment

2009-09-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I went through the little booklet mentioned in the last post. I went through one spiritual lesson a day but repeated some of the spiritual lessons either the very next day or after going through them all. That is a wonderful and great resource for anyone who is prayerfully considering discerning a vocation to the priesthood.

I sent an email to Fr. JS about having gone through the resources he sent, some of my thoughts, and my willingness to meet. I didn't hear from him in over a week, but I didn't fret and I know he is a busy man. I took off all of Labor Day week to be with friends and family and get away from the stressful work environment. During the first weekend up there, I went to see JS, DS, and their new baby, and my future goddaughter ES! On my way out, I called and left a message with both Fr. JS and Fr. JN. Fr. JS called me right back and said that he was just getting ready to start his retreat in Colorado and had been on vacation the previous week. But, he did want to meet the following Sat.

We met up at a Bob Evans to talk over coffee and biscuits and gravy, yum. He explained some of the process and that I'd already been through a sort of filter before getting to the face-to-face meeting part even if the hoops didn't seem very high to jump through. But, he gave me some examples of extreme conditions in the past where any sane person would realize there would be some issues.

Again he reiterated that the process is not only my discernment of being called to be a priest, but the Church also discerning whether I should be a priest. He said that there are different answers from the Church that could crop up in discernment.

The first is no. If the Church, at any time, determines that the answer is going to be no, then they will go ahead and say that and not string anyone along. He said that it is possible to get closer to the end of this part of the discernment stage and the answer still be no, but it usually comes much earlier than that.

Another answer is yes, but there are issues that should be dealt with immediately. He didn't go into what issues they maybe, but he did say that if they aren't dealt with in a timely fashion that the process would be terminated.

Another answer is yes, we think you might be called to the priesthood and have you enter seminary.

And the last one was yes, we think the seminary might be beneficial to your formation, but you probably aren't called to be a priest.

He said that some people are permitted to go to the seminary after a period of discernment not with the intention of them becoming a priest, but they see a benefit in the discerner spending a few years in the seminary for formation for a different capacity and they still look at these discerners as successes.

He explained that there are different levels of discernment, that the first phase is considered a contact where you are in the initial stages of contact with the diocese. Basically, it is up to the person to keep in contact with the diocese about discernment. Next is being a discerner, where it is a little more official, there are more face-to-face meetings, and the answers above usually come up. If the diocese doesn't hear from the discerner for a period of time, they will make contact to see if the discerner has made their own decision to stop or need more resources. There are also retreats, support groups of other discerners in the diocese, psychological and medical evaluations that would be conducted during this period. This phase usually takes 3-6 months with 3 months being a rushed case and not normal, but some men have taken 3 years to discern during this stage. The next step would be application to the seminary. Applications for seminary usually go out in December to enter seminary for the following fall semester. After that would you would become a seminarian where, of course, the process takes a more serious turn and not just with the studies. The seminary takes about 6 years for someone with a college degree, but without a theological degree such as myself, but there are times when there may need to be a year off or extra pastoral service in between some years of seminary. After the 3rd year of theology studies you are ordained a deacon and receive the sacraments of Holy Orders, he said that all questions should be answered by that time since it is an actual ordination and the following year be ordained a priest.

He did ask me about what got me to this point and let me talk for quite a bit about that. He asked me about having to move away from family and how that was for me, since I've already done that, and how I was able to meet people and what my life and activities were like after moving away. He asked if I've ever attempted marriage before a minister or judge. He asked about my involvement at my parish. He also asked if I owned a house. I offered up the information that I was living debt-free which he said that I was more ahead of the game then most people at this point.

I asked the question about a spiritual director since I've never gone that route before. He said that spiritual directors are helpful, but essentially difficult to find. Even lay spiritual directors. He said they have a list of trained spiritual directors in the diocese office, but more than likely when you call most of them they will say that they are too busy. He also said, that it takes a few months to get into a trusting relationship with a spiritual director and if you end up going to the seminary within a year or so, then you really only have a spiritual director for a few months. His opinion is that they are useful if you think you will be discerning for a while or have some serious struggles you know that are keeping you really torn between different vocations and that you can spend a decent amount of time with a spiritual director. But, with someone like me who might be able to go to the seminary sooner rather than later, it is probably better to wait for the seminary where there are dedicated and mandatory spiritual directors. But, we did decide that it is probably a good idea to go ahead and talk to my pastor about my discernment and maybe check in with him on a monthly basis for a quick few moments.

In all he said that he determined I wasn't a psycho, schismatic, or anything else that would preclude me from moving on in my discernment and handed me a form to fill out with my contact information to officially become a discerner in the diocese. So, as of a little after Noon on Sept. 12, 2009 I'm officially a discerner in the diocese.

Of course, he had another appointment to rush off to, but he said that we would be in touch. I've been pretty content that I've moved on so far and that is currently where I stand.

Dominus Vobiscum

Is Jesus Christ Calling You To Be A Catholic Priest?: A Helpful Guide

2009-08-18T07:55:00.000-07:00

This is the resource sent to me by the Associate Vocations Director and published by the NCDVD. The booklet is broken down into an introduction and 10 spiritual lessons. If you get your hands on one of these booklets, I will recommend the same that was suggested to me, is to pray through each of these lessons for 11 days instead of reading it cover to cover.

Order from NCDVD

Dominus Vobiscum

Lots of work, little time

2009-08-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

Wow, I didn't mean to go quite so long without writing on here. I've had some deadlines at work that have kept me busy and I had to find the time to update here as well as edit my past posts. I've talked to another priest that has the same first name as Fr. JN, so I had to read through all of the previous posts and add another intial to references to him so I could talk about both of them and not get confused. Although not much has been happening on this blog, things have still been happening in my discernment process.

I did meet with Fr. JN before he had a wedding to do on a Saturday and I had a baby party to attend for a soon to be godchild. We had a good discussion about what I've been doing and feeling and about his calling and discernment and some of what he sees and does as a priest. He did tell me that when he was at my home parrish when I was young he thought there were 2 young men that would make good priests and I was one of them. That was nice to hear from him. At the end he gave me the number for the Associate Vocations Director and said that I should definitely give him a call.

Later, as I said, I went to a baby party for my best friends DS and JS. I told them that I talked to Fr. JN earlier that day and hadn't gone into what I talked about before DS said that it was about time and she had been thinking that I would be a good priest for awhile now and wondered when I might start considering it, and she's a baptist. Later on I had a long talk with JS, we've been friends since high school and both stick to Church teachings fairly closely. I was glad that I was able to talk to him about it.

I continued praying about it for about a week before I called Fr. JS, from the vocations office. I had to leave a message with the secretary, but he called me back later the same day and talked with me. It was a fairly similar conversation to what I had with Fr. JN, but a little about his story and that discernment is a process where either the discerner or the Church and step out at any spot along the way. He gave me his personal number and told me to email him all of my information so he could send me a discernment packet with an information booklet from the diocese and another booklet with short lessons that I'm supposed to pray one each day and then contact him if I am still interested afterwards. So, I'll be starting that either today or tomorrow.

Also, with coverage of the Knights of Columbus Supreme Convention on both EWTN and the Catholic Channel, I decided to fill out an inquiry form on the website. There are 3 councils in this county and I think all 3 of them contacted me. So, I met with a young man and we talked over lunch after noon Mass. He said that he would get my information to the right person and he thinks there is a 1st degree ceremony going to be held within the next few weeks. So, I suppose that I'm going to go ahead and join the Knights of Columbus soon.

So, I've been busy. Busy at work. Busy helping with my godson's family. Busy praying and slowing taking each step in this discernment processes. But, I'm still here. I haven't given up on discernment, or this blog. At least not yet. Have a happy Feast of St. Maximillian Kolbe today.

Dominus Vobiscum

God love the musicians

2009-07-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

I'm a musician, well,... a singer anyway. So, choir practice was last night and there is a new guitar player there, the pianist and another singer. A light night. Others had family issues come up. So, I get pegged to cantor this Sunday.

Well, the new guitarist starts talking about how he thought this was listed as a contemporary Mass and he wanted it more contemporary and we should be pushing the congregation more in that direction and the pianist was agreeing with him. He goes into his version of the story about the parish he used to play at. They called it the "Rock Mass" and had "FULL AMPLIFICATION" and they did this for 10 years without anyone complaining and the new priest had come in and kicked them out and "he was mean about it." I have a feeling that there is more to the story than just a mean priest kicking out the choir.

It is kind of funny that earlier yesterday, I was looking for something else and came across the 88 page document "Sing to the Lord: Music in Divine Worship" released by the USCCB 2 years ago. I held my toungue during practice (I especially didn't bring up the fact that we are supposed to be throwing in Latin every once in a while). I didn't want to excite anyone too much inside the church building. When we were leaving, and he mentioned a couple of more things about his former situation, I did say something about there being a time and place for everthing. I figured I wouldn't say anything at the time, but prayerfully consider the words to use and maybe bring up the topic and the document next week.

I've been out of parish work for awhile now and doing volunteer work like choir, youth group, catechist, lector, etc. It just reminded me of all the other stuff that priests have to go through. I guess it is a good test to see if I can pastorally make an impression that as musicians we should be assisting worship and not trying to entertain or especially be trying to "push" anyone. I would be more than happy to go to the pastor to try to convice him to open the hall for a praise and worship service outside of the Mass if that is what this person feels called to do.

Dominus Vobiscum

Fr. Corapi on the call to the priesthood

2009-06-30T08:16:00.001-07:00

Something I found interesting while seaching last night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XptrJNoLBeI

Dominus Vobiscum

Thinking about the money

2009-06-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

I've always been pretty practical with my money. I don't excessively spend money and look for bargains. Like saving my money and letting it make more money if I'm not being charitable with it. I've only gone in debt a couple of times and most of my debt was in student loans. Since I am literally just finishing up paying off my first round of student loans, I got to thinking about how to pay for seminary if this is my calling in life.

I think I've heard before that my home diocese will foot the seminary bill as long as you become a priest, or if not you have to pay it back as a loan later on. But, what if they don't? Do I take out $20,000 a year for 4-5 years in more student loans to go from a 60k job to a 20k job?

I've also seen where the Knights of Columbus have several scholarship programs. Some on the Supreme Council (National) level and some at the local Council level. I was kind of waiting for a personal invitation to a local council to join the knights, but should I go ahead and join. Would it be wrong if that was the biggest motivation for me to look into joining on my own volition? Would it be wrong to solicit both the council here, where I'm currently living, and the council serving my home parish, where I am originally from and probably would enter the seminary through? I also think the Serra Club probably has scholarship opportunities and probably others I haven't heard of. Anyone know of others?

What about other living costs not associated with the seminary such as insurance, taxes, clothes, gas money? Do I work through seminary? I've heard of other priests in other dioceses around the world who had to do that, but most of the seminaries I know are in rural settings. Does that mean I should look into seminaries in metropolitan areas such as Baltimore, D.C., Chicago, etc.? Is it feasible to work and make decent money while in the seminary? Having to limit social activities such as sports, movies, and others doesn't bother me, but does it fit in with the prayer life and all of the work that goes with theological studies?

I know, I'm sure that vocations directors go through this all of the time and have plenty of ways and suggestions on how to make things work, but I tend to think out and plan the ways I use money, and it is just one more thing on my mind.

Dominus Vobiscum

The Cloud of Unknowing

2009-06-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I mentioned that I'm reading a book a friend suggested. I figured that I could start sharing with you any Catholic books that I'm currently reading.

The Cloud of Unknowing is written by an unknown monk from the 14th century. The book draws on Catholic mysticism and is an early instruction manual for contemplative prayer. It was written in Middle English, but the version I'm reading is translated into Early Modern English (think Shakespeare, King James Version, or Douay-Rheims Bible) although you may be able to find other translations into Modern English.

Listed below, are some places you can find copies of this book. The online copies can be read online for free, or sent/downloaded for just a couple of dollars. You can also buy the hard copy books from the bookstores below. Don't forget to check your local library as well. And, each of the bookstores below have other translations you may want to check out.

Google Books

CCEL

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

Dominus Vobiscum

Response Received

2009-06-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

Fr. JN sent a response to my email today. Nothing big or important in there, just saying that he was glad to hear from me again and excited to see that I was open to other vocations and would be happy to talk with me. He also, let me know that he was the same way in not wanting to share this decision with others to not have to deal with external pressures. But, the circumstances in which I received his letter were more of the revelation that God wants me to be open, at least for now.

Last, night a friend opened a chat with me to comment on my Facebook status. If there is anyone I would want a relationship with, it would be this person. We never communicate on a regular basis or see each other often since we live 4 hrs. from each other, but we are friends. We bantered, and she told me what she was reading for her masters theology classes and that was about it. But, it was still one of those, "Ha, ha, you're funny, God." moments. I didn't get a that "Ooo, such a wonderful person is talking to me" thrill, but it did still confuse me a little.

One of the books she suggested is in the public domain, so I looked it up on the internet and had started reading it and had just read a chapter before heading to noon Mass. So, the book, her, and my situation were on my mind during Mass. I told God, that it would be nice if he could let me know, like a response from Fr. JN, that I'm doing the right thing especially since I don't know what I'm doing. Then I smiled and jokingly told God, "Not that I'm telling you what to do, but it was just a suggestion." When I came back from Mass, is when I had the letter from Fr. JN in my inbox. It was nice to get that small gesture and exactly the time I needed it, and nice to think that God was listening and smiling down on me. Just a small revelation moment.

Dominus Vobiscum

Moment of Our Choosing

2009-06-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

Last night, I watched Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. I'm a huge Transformers fan, but I have been fairly disappointed by both movies, especially this second one. My godson's family that lives in town was out seeing the movie too. Unfortunately, my godson, E, who is two years old was brought to the movie by his mother. I guess it was a good thing that he fell asleep fairly quickly, but my back was sore from holding a sleeping baby for about two hours in that chair.

During the movie, Optimus Prime says the line from the trailer, "Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing." And although it is so true and stuck out to me in the trailer, it really hit me while I was sitting there holding E in my arms.

You see, if I do discern that my vocation is to become a priest, there are many sacrifices that go along with that. The hardest ones aren't the ones I used to think were the hardest.

E's mother is a single mom of three kids, E being the youngest. The older two have a fairly responsible father, but not E. His mother asked me to be his godfather simply from the fact that she knew I was a good Catholic that helped out with the youth group. She barely knew me through her younger sisters who were in the youth group. I said yes, and when she put him in my arms for the first time and looked at him, I literally felt my heart melt and for the first time I understood unconditional love. Since that day, I've loved him like he was my own son and providing for him in anyway I need to. Since I've seriously considered this journey, having to leave E, if this is my calling is the biggest sacrifice I would have to make. Every time I think about it, I cry. Not just getting all teary eyed, but actually cry because it breaks my heart to think about not seeing him grow up, not being there for him, him growing apart from me, him not having a good male role model,.... It's just too hard. But, like Optimus said fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing. But, then I begin to think that although it would be better for him to be older before leaving him (but I suppose I would always wish that), it would also be worse if I embarked on this journey earlier in life and never known the absolutely awesome joy of being with E.

Dominus Vobiscum

Letter Sent

2009-06-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

This morning, I went to Eucharistic Adoration at the perpetual adoration chapel in town since I have a scheduled weekly hour early in the morning. And of course, a lot of my prayer for the next year will be that God will lead me where he wants me to be in my discernment process.

Well, today, I wrote and sent an email to Fr. JN asking him to continue our conversation. I didn't get to it right away, because I wanted to take this time on Wednesday to pray before writing and sending the letter. So, essentially this is my first step in walking this journey.

Dominus Vobiscum

Urging Grandmother

2009-06-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

Not much happened yesterday. I had to leave right after Mass to pick up some friends at an airport on the way back to where I live. Mass was later than I expected as Mom had to cantor at the late Mass and there were three baptisms.

During Mass, my grandmother leans over to me and says that when the archbishop was in town at my home parish she noticed that he had a good singing voice and thought that I could be an archbishop too, because I have a good singing voice. I'm sure that's top qualification they look for when appointing archbishops. Thanks grandma. Of course, she has no idea that I'm looking into a vocation to the priesthood since I've mentioned this fact to no one.

After I returned, the air conditioner was broken in my apartment and it was hotter and muggier than hades in there. So, I went out for dinner and then into the office building to take care of email and personal things online. While I was there, an older friend started a chat with me, we'll call her PW. She actually helps my grandmother with costuming for a high school theater back at home. Her daughter, who just finished her freshman year at college, just had a new baby girl. So this grandma, PW, was up late with the new baby and on the computer. We were talking about her family's hardships and blessings that the new baby brought on. When I thought the conversation was about wrapped up, I asked her to pray for me because I was going through some changes in life. She said she would, and pretty much guessed what changes I was talking about since my grandmother had shared with PW her own thoughts that I could make a good priest. Well, I would rather have talked with JS about my discernment first, but PW agreed not to tell anyone and we talked into the wee hours of the morning about both of our problems. It was a good talk. Actually, PW is baptist, but it was kind of satisfying hearing someone support my discernment who wasn't Catholic.

Dominus Vobiscum

An Unexpected Meeting

2009-06-20T23:21:00.000-07:00

I ended up driving back home to where my folks live this weekend. I haven't been home since Easter, which has been about two months. I called up my best friend JP and his wife DJ to visit them while I was near since she is pregnant and I haven't seen either of them since their birthdays. They were excited to hear that I was coming up, but had a wedding to go to on Saturday. It was someone we knew in college, so I figured that I would at least go to the ceremony part and maybe see some old college pals. Which there were some there and it was great to see them too.

Celebrating the wedding was Fr. JN. Fr. JN, was a seminarian at my home parish when I was around middle school or early high school years. When he was running around the church getting ready for the pictures afterward, he joyously and loudly said hi and that we hadn't seen each other for sometime. Well, while pictures were going on, I did the meet and greet in the front of the church with all of my old friends.

When the pictures were over, I went over to the sacristy to find Fr. JN cleaning up and setting some things for the Sunday vigil Mass which would take place in a couple of hours. He said he had just thought he should probably find me to catch up. We talked for a while about my family and catching up on many many years. After a while, Fr. JN asked if I knew where I was going in life, and if I was happy where I was. He had a look like he knew that it might be the right question. I didn't say exactly what I was thinking, nor did he. But, I formed my answers in a way to let him know that I was considering a big change in life. Towards the end of the conversation, he told me took pick up a bulletin for the phone number and to give him a call.

Later, I was talking with DJ and JP in the parking lot as I was getting ready to leave to pick up my parents and grandparents to do Fathers Day things as they headed to the reception. Fr. JN, on the way to and from the offices stopped by to say by to us all one more time and handed me a business card with his cell number written on the back. Priests don't usually give out their personal cellphone number, kind of like doctors they don't want to get house calls at ungodly hours because of something silly. He giving me his personal number meant that he was serious.

Okay, so maybe that's a long story to get to the point I'm trying to make that this is really important in my new journey. First off, the very day after I changed my focus and became serious about praying and discerning a call to the priesthood, I meet an old priest friend that I haven't seen in ages at a wedding whom I didn't expect to see asking the right questions for him to see if I was open to a vocation to the priesthood. Second, I thought up some priests that I may want to approach and talk to about this discernment; Fr. JN was towards the top of that list.

Dominus Vobiscum

New Beginnings

2009-06-19T12:39:00.000-07:00

I've always kind of been torn between two vocations in life. The vocation to marriage and the vocation to ordination. People have always said that I would be good at both. I've always wanted a family and have been serious about pursuing the vocation of marriage. Well, I have decided that today I will begin on a new journey and become serious about pursuing a call to the priesthood. And intend to journal this journey anonymously through this blog. I'm not sure if I will be able to keep a daily blog, but I do hope to write down any thoughts or feelings and what I am doing with some frequency.

As you may know, today is the beginning of the Year for Priests in the Catholic Church on the 150th anniversary of the death of the Curé d'Ars, St. John Vianney. And one of the reasons I chose today to start this journey.

I did try to attend noon Mass today; however, Mass was moved to the morning followed by 12 hours of adoration. I guess I missed daily Mass on day one.

Dominus Vobiscum